Thursday, December 31, 2009

horrid week of empty smiles

I don't have much to say because I'm currently tweaking a couple of blogs...

Hope everyone has a happy New Years eve; mine's going to be pretty boring unfortunately, maybe I'll go to a coffeeshop and write for awhile since there's no one answering their phone these days to try and get together with.

I roll my eyes and sigh at the fact that the first half of the year was amazing but the last half...not so much. Hope everyone else has a wonderful time and makes lots of new memories though!

(I've had a horrible week and have always hated to complain especially when I know no one reads this, but still, I'm trying to get rid of my heartache and no one seems to want to help. Hopefully in the big talked about 2010 I can get my act together and move somewhere where I'll meet lovely, reliable people who keep promises and ride their bikes over to my apartment to cheer me up. I dream of this life that will hopefully begin in a years time and wish for all of your dreams to come true in this brand new decade that's upon us.)

Much love,
- L

Monday, December 28, 2009

thoughts, the precious ones in need of care

I've decided that I'm moving. Somewhere. Somewhere else new. I don't think I can LIVE and be capable of LOVE here anymore. All the ones that had insurance on my life and love have gone away or are preparing to. Being dramatic is something I hate, but sometimes the truth is very dramatic.

Recently, I've been offered a room and board in Australia with one of my friends and pen-pals, Miss Bianca J. She likes the idea of having an American living with her and her (from what I've heard) lovely boyfriend and I love the idea of moving out somewhere as far as Australia and the completely new adventure of it.

Before I move there sometime in the summer (when it's cold, winter-time there) I'd like to move back to Ohio or even possibly, Alabama. Somehow, a good number of my friends now live there and that fact is kind of frustrating. I still don't like it and don't want to live there permanently, but maybe, just maybe for a 2-4 month period or something.

Honestly, I just see no more reason to stay in Naples. There's no fuel for my fire, my drive, my ignition; I'm worn out, quite tired of trying to find a job in a city full of skinny, tan blonde things and losing inspiration fast. My world seems to be on the west coast or in some other country far far away. Every time I hear about a neat shop or fair I'd like to go to it's in San Fransisco, Seattle, Chicago, Vancouver or somewhere else on the west coast. I'd really love to move to Vancouver, I could maybe get a job with the company my Dad works for; but with the Olympics coming up, it's most likely way too expensive to live there, even to rent.

I hate sounding like such a brat, really, but I'm so exhausted, emotionally, I don't know how to deal with the tiniest things like dropping silverware. Losing touch with one of my three best friends has been a bummer, barely seeing the second while she's home is killing me (even though I know I'm not the only person she wants to see and the only friend who misses her, it still hurts), and the third is busy with work. Looking back, I know there were much worse of times of loneliness and exhaustion, so I don't want to complain any further.

Mail seems to be one of the few things keeping my awake and looking forward to something every day. So on days like today when there's NOTHING but bills, it just puts my sad mood into an angry one. People experience that every day, I know I know, but for someone with 20+ pen-pals, it can be quite the frustration-booster.

Anyway, on a lighter note, wanted to let you know that in the next two weeks I will be putting together my mail and mail-art blog! I've been taking photos of mail sent and recieved the past couple months in anticipation, but the thing that's been holding me back is a catchy name. (Such as the fabulous Missive Maven.) So far all I've got is The Mail Maiden or the Maiden of Mail; but to me, that sounds too much like 'The Missive Maven' and like I'm a copy-cat, you know? Well, here's thr proposition - With the words featured below, help me figure out a name for my mail/mail-art themed blog, and you'll receive something special in the mail from me! I'll post some photos soon to show you my handy-work with mail-art and love of vintage stamps so you'll get a glimpse of what you could be receiving. :]

Feel free to add more of your choice words, but here's what I've got so far:

Looking forward to your ideas!
- L

Friday, December 11, 2009

the company of heartache

heartache, heartache.
will you stay?
will you be mine, on this rainy day?
you comfort me ever so easily.
and tend to the loneliness that resists my plea.
does anyone know of such pain?
the un-tragic kind that twists your soul?
needing to see the faces, those lovely ones.
they've begun to fade, to grow old,
put on a un-wanted shelf in your heart, weakend with mold.
heartache, heartache.
please, let me be.
my foolish assumptions led my heart away.
they made me believe i was really there.
when it appears i never have.
i don't want you, but know you'll stay.
heartache, oh heartache.

- L