Saturday, June 20, 2009

bunny scratches and cannolis

Life has it's ups & downs.

That's the best way to describe where I'm at.

One moment I'm in this huge fight and discussion with my parents about where my life is going; and the next the three of us are driving around Naples talking calmly and having a good time.

I get upset or ticked at people for the tinyest things and don't know what to do with myself; then I wish I'd never said anything and just been the great friend I know I am.

Life can suck one moment and the next it's crazy/beautiful.

There's no possible way to acurately describe myself and the situations I'm in anymore except through quotes and lyrics.

Odd..but true.

Emotions speak louder than words, through song. I guess..?

Everywhere I go anymore, a card or label on a box or something on a menu reminds me of my closest friends. I love it.

I'm beyond, BEYOND blessed to have the friends that I have. Just...amazing people are in my life right now and it's beyond my mind capacity to figure out how these kinds of people exist.

According to my Dad: "I wish that I had friends like you when I was younger, Lauren. None of your friends deserve you and your generosity. None of them. You're such a wonderful and talented person, with an amazingly giving heart."

I do not lie; after a huge fight and a few discussions I had with my parents this evening, my Dad and I talked about random different things, including friends. I have a different kind of relationship with both parents than most, it's a good & bad thing.

And he's said that same quote before a couple times.

I agree with him, then again I don't.

Sometimes I wonder if certain people deserve me, but I know that a small handful do. There are just certain people that come into your life and then your heart that are just meant to be there and need to be there. To remind you every day that you're still loved despite what un-blood-related people have said otherwise in the past. And visa versa. These people that are just meant to be loved just as much as you need loving from someone who isn't related to you, they deserve it. There are so many other people out there that I think deserve these kind of friend-type-relationships, but I just have not found them yet.

Or they haven't found me..

Also, sometimes, I feel as though you really have to shove it into other peoples minds that it's okay to be honest with you, whether you've heard it before or not. Whether you feel as though they are listening to the core of what you're saying or not. Or, whether you're hearing them out or not. OR, whether you cannot decide how to respond to the compassion and sincere words they've put in front of you.

The truth is..I take my anger or frustration or sadness out on the people I least want to. Ranging from my friends to my parents to my pets to my siblings to inatamite objects, sometimes even myself. This is a habit that has to be broken, not needs to, has to. I can't hurt the wrong people anymore, make it seem like I don't appriciate them, or care for them anymore. I truly apologize if I've made it seem like any of the above were true, cause they are not. Nor will they ever be. [ insert smiley face here. ]

I love every single one of you silly sweethearts, so just deal with it..

Lauren Lankford, Kaylyn Vollmer, Carol Tickel, Valerie Valcourt, Martine Valcourt, Jon Vollmer, April Payne, Emily Terry, Harrison Vollmer, Millie Palmer & the whole Chi Rho Crew .

Love AND Hugs,
- L


Kaylyn said...

Basically, to sum it up, WE LOVE YOU TOO!

So happy to hear you so happy. :)