Monday, June 15, 2009

life, let's not generalize

i had an awesome weekend until sunday night...and yeah, well, that's all i have to say.

i'm doing my best to not publicly complain, cause i hate sounding like an ass or hurting others feelings or letting others know they hurt mine.

although it's really stupid to say beforehand and looks like i'm doubting myself, i know almost 100% that i will fail that part of the drivers test again. most likely will wind up taking it four or five times. i hope not, but i hate any sort of studying and when i do study, i get bored and can't seem to remember the important things i need and have to know.

i haven't responded to letters for two weeks cause of stuff in my life that's just annyoing and brain-wise time consuming for me. the past week all i've read is the drivers manual, nothing else. despite wanting to read a 608 page novel through the summer; i should have started a month ago.

i know this sounds completely self-obsorbed and somewhat vain, but

nobody really knows what it's like to be me. no one does.
- L


Kaylyn said...


Wow. This is a lot to absorb.

I'm not really sure why you feel like your weekend was ruined by Sunday night. I mean, maybe I misread, but since your whole blog was about Sunday night and not about the rest of the weekend, that's just what I assumed. No one meant to hurt your feelings at all; I didn't know that anyone had, honestly. I'm all for writing when you're upset, because that's how I tend to deal with disappointment, but I'm not really sure I'm grasping what you're saying here...

Driving you home would mean an HOUR out of my way. Literally. And at night, I just don't have an hour free for driving. Or any time of the day really. I don't have the MONEY for it, especially since I'm paying for my own gasoline. And school tuition. And everything. Furthermore, the few times I've driven friends home that my mom found out about, I've gotten my car taken away. When she says we need to come home, we have to be home. No question. Our house is really strict (kinda like Valerie's and Martine's). Plus, I'm not going to lie to my mom. I did that all last year, when I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. Ever since I joined Cornerstone last summer, I've followed my mom's rules. And what's worse, I wouldn't want to tell you I could give you a ride home and then not be able to. Then you'd be stranded, for example, at the movies. And also, when I was fifteen, my mom DID drive me everywhere. If she didn't want to take me, I didn't go. I never asked for rides.. I mean, if I'm at the mercy of my parents, then I have to have their "okay." If mom didn't want to take me, I didn't go. Even now, I still have to ask for permission for everything. If she says no, I still can't go.

Also, my mom works really long hours every day, 8AM to 6PM, but sometimes until as late as 10PM. And she won't sleep until I'm home. So it's not fair that I stay out late unless it's okay with her. Not to mention now that I work, I have to get up early too. There's just not enough hours in the day to hang out with everyone. I haven't gotten to spend an hour of alone time with either of my two closest friends in literally over a month. At least. Life's just.. busy.

I think everything will be better when you get you can drive. (I failed my driver's test the first time too.) But until then, you can't blame us for you not being able to participate. We don't make plans behind your back, and you're always included! We wanted EVERYONE in Chi Rho to come! But it's just hard because, speaking for myself, I can't be responsible for anyone else.

And just so you know, the movie was horrible. Just horrible. It was vulgar and boring and inappropriate, especially for a youth group. We didn't know that when we decided to go, but it was. Plus, it was entirely too late. I didn't get home until past 12. And there were other issues going on that night that made it unpleasant for me... but anyway. We got there, watched a bad movie, and everyone left immediately after. We were all exhausted. Honestly, I would have rather gone home. Sometimes, you're not the one missing out.


Kaylyn said...

P.S. No one does know what it's like to be you. And no one knows what it's like to be me. That's the beauty of individuality. I can't imagine all you've been through. And that's how we learn from each other. It's a good thing, not bad!